Patsy Stone’s Ab Fab Oscar Blog

Oscars 2008

OK Sweeties, it’s time for my Oscar blog. Sols that it didn’t go up live, but Eds and I were glugging vodka like it was going out of fashion and inevitably passed out after. So here it is:

Opening bit with Jon Stewart: Jon has certainly improved since his last stint as an Oscar host and the opening was kept pretty simple. He called The Oscars “Make Up Sex” referring of the end of the Writer’s Strike. Jon’s jokes about Norbit actually being nominated: “Too often The Academy has ignored films that aren’t good”; Vanity Fair’s non-party were good and aside couple of political gags that were hit and miss, it was short sweet and enjoyable. Still, I yearned for the days when the all singing all dancing Billy Crystal would appear and give us a tune.

First award gets underway and it goes to Elizabeth: The Golden Age for Costume. Good choice I say, the costumes in that movie were exquisite. The Winner, Alexandra Byrne gets cut off by those bastard musicians.

More montages……

Ah Giorgio Clooney, light of my life is on stage. Try to stay focused as he introduces 80 Years of the Oscars. It seemed strange that the Oscars were celebrating their biggest moments of controversy in that montage, such as the streaker running out behind David Niven.

Next award – Best Make Up went to La Mome. Norbit was robbed!!!!!!! Some people don’t get the genius of this film…

First nominated song is up and the lovely Amy Adams sings Happy Working Song. Unfortunately I only hear a small bit of it as the sound causes blood to pour from my ears. It’s chirpy, chippy, twee and I’d throw my glass at the screen if there weren’t so much voddie in it.

Award for Best Supporting Actor is up and is presented by Jennifer Hudson’s large rack.It’s in the bag for Javier. I never thought I’d say this about him, but he is looking lush tonight. I think I actually would.

Javier wins! The guy might have been the red hot favourite to win, but he really looked shocked when his name was called. Bless.

Jon Stewart introduces Oscar’s salute to binoculars and telescopes. Meh.

Next song up and it’s from August Rush. It’s quite good. I think it’ll be down to this one and Once by Glen Hansard who I despise from head to tip. Plus they’ve got a child singing. The Academy love those sweet little kiddies coming out to sing. Glen’s gonna have it tough. Unless he sings once surrounded by puppies or something.

Next is Best Short Film, Live Action and it’s Owen Wilson to present. He’s looking much better. Some French film wins this one.

Mmmm, Casey Affleck. Much better looking than his brother these days. Might actually go and watch all the Oceans movies now and oogle over him instead of George n’ Brad.

A bee that sounds like Jerry Seinfeld presents the next award. God, how drunk am I already?

Urrrgh that Vile Seth Rogen and I’m either seeing double or something that looks like him is on to present an award. Just go away please….

Best Supporting Actress is up! I’d love to see Saoirse win it but thats only because she’s Irish like myself. Cate will probably nail this one….

…God, Ruby Dee looks great for 84.

SHOCKAGE! Tilda Swinton won the Oscar. Now I haven’t seen Michael Clayton but she must have been bloody good in it. Like Tilda, great actress, even though she has terrible taste in clothes. Good speech there, she even took a pop at Clooney’s Batman nipple suit.

Jessica Alba is out to present. Hope her waters don’t break on stage, she looks like she’s about to drop. Although that would make for the most memorable Oscars ever.

Kudos for the Coens winning Best Adapted Screenplay. I thought Atonement would win it, but thats only because I didn’t see it winning anything else.

More clips on how they nominate. I don’t really pay attention during this bit. Bring back the frocks and the golden naked men!

Third Oscar song – The One from Enchanted. I still think it’s between Once and Raise It Up from August Rush – this is just peppy tat. Much as it galls me I hope Hansard gets it. And now I must wash down the bile which is rising in my throat from uttering that last sentence….

Best Actress Time. C’mon Christie……..

JESUS! Best Actress Oscar goes to Marion Cotillard, who looks completely shocked. Her speech was lovely and you couldn’t begrudge her the Oscar (even though NOBODY has seen La Vie En Rose).

Colin Farrell (who turned up with his mum – are things over between him and Muireann??? Someone let me know!) introduces Hansard and Once. It is truly the best one and has to win Best Song.

Yay, Jack Nicholson is on to present. Looooooooooove Jack. I would you know. But maybe only drunk. Just to say I was with the old boy. Bet he’d show you a fun time…oh I’m blabbering now because they’re doing a flashback of Best Picture moments.

Bourne Ultimatum is in the lead now with 3 Oscars, for Sound, Sound Editing and Editing. Whoulda thunk it?!

Nicole’s on stage. OK, I look more pregnant than she does. Angelina looks more preggers than she does. Where’s the baby Nicole?!!!

Nooooooooooooo! Its a Lifetime Award. These are usually boring but I’ll give me a chance to get a chilled bottle of Dom out of the icebox….

About an hour later the old man who got the award stopped talking. Don’t know who he was, don’t care.

ARRRRGH, Why are all the Oscar songs so cheesy? They’re as cheesy as a cheese pizza made by Chuck E Cheese served in Cheesetown. Remember the South Park song? That was Oscar material….

QUEL SHOCKAGE! Glen actually won! Oh God, now he’ll never shut up about it.

After Glen’s “humble” speech” Jon Steward comes back out and says “Gee, that guy is soooooo arrogant!” which gets a laugh. If only you knew Jon.

After the break Jon bring back out Marketa who also sang Once with Hansard because that shitkicker went on for so long she got cut off. Jon’s a sweetie.

Time for “In Memorium”. Heath Ledger was left to the last and received a strong round of applause. Strange though that Brad Renfro wasn’t mentioned.

I’ve started looking at the clock now so 4:10AM: Atonement finally wins an award for Best Original Score.

4:15: Tom Hanks is on stage now blabbing on about Baghdad. Oh wait – he’s getting 5 GI’s to read the noms for Best Short Documentary. Do I like it, do I think it’s tacky, can’t decide. At least they look happy to be doing it. Freeheld wins Best Short Doc and we finally get some weepies! Yay!

4:20: Bit bored now. After all the oohing and ah-hing at the frocks and all the surprises early in the night I’m starting to look forward to sleep.

4:20 Taxi of the Dark Side wins Best Doc. 4 awards left – best ones are Director and Best Picture, we all know Juno will get Best Original Screenplay and Actor will go to IRISHMAN Daniel Day-Lewis.

Harrison Ford and his fully Botoxed forehead is on to present Best Original Screenplay. “Movies are made up of words and pictures.” Yes they are Harrison. Goes to show you that the stuff can really seep through to your brain.

4:27: YES! Ex stripper Diablo Cody wins for Juno. Wearing a leopardskin dress and showing off her tatts and fab Dita Von Teese make up she bounds up the stage for the award. Well done Diablo. You give hope to strippers everywhere.

4:30: Best Actor time. Hope Daniel doesn’t witter on too long, he looks to serious to give an entertaining speech, great actor he is and all. I must say I’d love it if Johnny won, but it’s the wrong movie. Or George – he always gives a good speech.

Helen Mirren comes out looking faaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous.

Daniel wins. Eire Abu! He might have been born in Britain but Irish blood flows through those veins!

4:40: Up next is Best Director: It’s gotta be the Coens but Paul Thomas Anderson is a dark horse and could cause another upset by winning. The wonderful Marty Scorcese comes on to present….

…..and it’s the Coens! They join the Bourne Ultimatum on 3 nods each for Best Writing, Best Directing and Best Supporting Actor.

Last one of the night Best Picture. Will it be NCFOM or Juno? Oh the suspense….!

And it’s another Coen victory! As it shoud be. 4 wins for them, 3 for Bourne and only one for poor old Juno (though a well deserved one I must say).

So that wraps it up. It wasn’t a vintage year but I enjoyed the flashbacks of ceremonies gone by. Stewart was a good host and there were a couple of surprise winners along the way. Best of all, it wasn’t longer than it should have been!

What did you think of this years Oscars? Please let us know and post a comment.


~ by patsystone on February 25, 2008.

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